Gag.

This image is so.freaking.stunning. I have no words it's just... so BEAUTIFUL!

ext.gag by haswb...

haswb.deviantart.com

The Fetish of the Wound...

Some people have expressed interest in reading my Dissertation, so I thought I would post it here!

I'm still utterly in love with my disseration oddly. It gained me a first class grade and I don't care how odd this makes me sound... I LOVED writing this. It allowed me to explore many of my interests and things I've been facinated with for years.

My paper explores psychological theories of the fetish of wounding particularly relating to the three films (Crash, Secretary and Fight Club) which explore wounding in very different ways. I find that reasons for wounding go beneath the skin metaphorically, and can be attached to childhood traumas, painful events mid-life, emotional and sexual releases, transformation, spirituality, freedom and denial. They can take the form of harm or of liberty; they can give rise to a freedom fighter or a slave. I end up relating wounding to Roland Barthes’ idea of Punctum, as although there are many theories as to why people enjoy wounding sexually – no one theory fits all people, it has meaning for some and not others, symbolic importance to some but not all. The fusion of the erotic and life threatening is always being explored and is always intriguing.

You can click to view it full screen or you can download it... Enjoy! :)


The Fetish of the Wound: An exploration of the psychological disturbances in ‘Crash’, ‘Secretary’ and ‘Fight Club’

Last Tango in Paris.

I cannot describe how much I adore this film! I first watched it a few years ago after my mum told me about it and knew I had to see it as soon as she mentioned how much controversy it caused in the 70’s, (so much so the director, Bernardo Bertolucci was jailed for a while and the film was banned) and that there was an anal sex butter scene and mention of pig fucking. Oddly enough it completely let me down because by today’s standards; it’s not very shocking! Nothing that explicit was ever shown and I oddly found it rather sweet. However I do still think it’s amazing.



If you don’t know the film, it centres on the anonymous sexual affair of two people who meet by chance at an apartment viewing. She’s a 20 year old French woman just about to get married and he’s a 45 year old widower after his wife killed herself (played by Marlon Brando who I think it incredibly sexy old hehe) and they have the most bizarre sexual relationship... it’s completely anonymous, they meet in the apartment he rents and he stresses he doesn’t want to know her name or anything about her but they are still both very truthful in a sense, “In their cloistered world, the two are able to explore and reveal themselves to each other in a way that is simply impossible to do in the outside world”. My favourite line in the film is where she expresses how feels like a child again when she’s there.

I suppose it’s fitting that I would love this film so much considering my personal extremes, coupled with finding the freedom they seem to find with each other, escaping the realities of their lives and testing each others boundaries sexually to be fascinating. The film now has more meaning for me because of something I went through recently that wasn’t too different; however that’s not for this blog. Simply put, if you haven’t already; SEE THIS FILM! It’s beautiful, captivating, raw and moving.

Grad-yoo-ate!

...is what I am now!

Here is a photo where I look like a total plank to prove it! (pics or it didn't happen!)



I love how myself and Briony discussed at the actual ceremony how we should have done model making instead, hehe.

Jamie rocks my socks!

Jamie just made my evening!



Jamie - The contact lens is in the eye of the beholder. says:
future plans for life and all?
.Aimée Claire. says:
I would love to be a counsellor
or a clinical psychologist
Jamie - The contact lens is in the eye of the beholder. says:
no way!
youd be so excellent!
.Aimée Claire. says:
or... something in the area. I'm not entirely sure
awwwh, do you think so??
Jamie - The contact lens is in the eye of the beholder. says:
that really is a career with which you can make a world of different
.Aimée Claire. says:
Awwwh, really?
<3 you hehe

Light on the feet, loose in the mouth.

Soft like a rose cloaked in daggers
Your grin a guise for all the anger
I'm sorry you felt you needed to hide
the dirt from inside you

You know I'm filthy.

Shut up.
And listen.
Why don't you give up this mission?
Shut up and look at me...
I'm just a stranger, who let you think you knew me.

I've fallen in love with a new band. Johnny Hollow. They describe themselves as a band "whose dark blend of electronic and orchestral sounds has been described as Gothic chamber music for the 21st century." Beaaaaaaaaautiful.

Honest Flesh.

I have always been someone who has been interested in art, emotions, psychology, the body, sex and human relationships. My fascination with people and the world around me is what powers my art and my life.

When I was much younger, it shocked me when I realised how judgemental people can be. I guess this is part of the reason I’ve never had many girl friends... at school the girls would tease each other and bully each other over the most ridiculous of things (I, of course, being a bit strange was one of the people that in earlier school life got bullied) but I think it most shook me when at about the age of fourteen I realised how judgemental were. Before you’re old enough to know better, you assume that others see the world the same way you do... and when I realised they didn’t it really shook me up. I became quite scared of people. It was only in later in life that I decided to stop being scared of this... and decided fuck it, if people were going to judge me, I didn’t want to know them.

For this reason I’ve decided to write a little bit more about myself here, something I used to tell only very close friends... but as I’ve grown I find myself telling people openly and thinking that if people were to judge, then I wouldn’t want them as my friend anyway. It explains a lot about who I am.



I’ve grown up in a very liberal, open minded family that I love, but one that has not been without its drama and it affects my life quite a lot still and my photography.

My sister left home when I was 15. She was, at this point (I can’t speak for how she is now) a transsexual schizophrenic. She got herself moved out by a company who pride themselves on helping teenagers in distressing situations. We were treated as the enemy. I was very close to her when I was younger (she was my brother) but as she grew older, it was so much harder to live with her. She’d have hallucinations, had to see countless counsellors and psychiatrists, went to support groups... but she gradually became unbearable to live with. She locked herself in her room, talked about suicide frequently, suffered depression, became a very different, quite often angry person, would smash things up in her room and blame everything wrong on my dad, quite often ending up in vicious attacks. We ended up with social services round our house, and with my dad attempting an overdose. Mental illness is something that seems to run in my family, with my Nan also suffering in earlier life, and my dad having been through depression, anger problems and drinking problems when I was younger. My sister is four years older than me and went to the same secondary school I did, but left before I started there. However because there’s not a huge age difference between us, people in my classes at school found out about her (although people often referred to her as ‘it’) and so people that weren’t my friends ended up knowing. I remember quite vividly still the most awful thing anyone has ever said to me... “If my kid turned out like that, I’d kill it.”

There is a lot more to the story that obviously without knowing exactly who my audience are, I won’t go into. Needless to say I have seen some very strange things, talked to my sister about conversations she remembers that never took place, heard about the most insane hallucinations she’d describe to me, supported both my parents and had to build them back up after my sister left our family home in turmoil, in the past fallen in love with one my best friends who overdosed too. We have no idea where my sister is now, and have only seen her once in the past seven years when she turned up on our door step one day, not in a good way... and then she disappeared again. Around this time ever year I try and make my mum happier and distract her from my sisters’ birthday but inevitably my family home becomes a sad place to be for a week or so.

I think growing up in this atmosphere and with very liberal parents is what has made me such an open minded person today, and is what has made me want to help people. This year I discovered I am more open minded than I even realised myself. I am a Photography Graduate now, but in September I will be starting a Psychology Diploma. Photography and Psychology have always been my biggest passions, and I quite often mix them. It occurred to me half way through my degree that even though I adore my photography, it is a very selfish thing for me. I use it as a form of therapy and to get my creativity out of my veins and down onto something real; but I only ever do it for myself.

This all ties in with my photography because I still explore this world with my camera. My photography is very honest to who I am because I’m a naturally honest person. I’d rather let people see me for who I am than hide behind something... and so my art is my thoughts in some of their purist forms, and myself laid bare. My third year work has been about breaking boundaries and opening up my mind. I have always been someone who didn’t believe in mistakes or regrets, I don’t regret... I learn.

I can’t explain this photograph. Sometimes I find my body fitting forms to fit my moods, I move like an animal. I explore.

Cosmic Love.

I was always confused why I didn't particularly like Florence and the Machine, because it seemed she got compared to quite a few female singers who I adore (Kate Bush, P J Harvey, Laura Marling) and then I discovered this song the other day... and I'm beyond in love with the song and the incredibly beautiful video.

Taboo.

I’ve been thinking about being naked quite a lot recently. Why is it such a taboo? It’s such a shocking thing to be naked. I guess it’s all connected to how fascinated I am with the human body itself... we have all these bones and muscles and blood pumping through us... sometimes I’m just in awe of that. Skin we tattoo or scar or bruise, life stories written all over us and in how we move in our body language, how we make love, how we cry, how we react. How we find ourselves, explore ourselves and each other. I’m fascinated with nature.

Yesterday I spent a good few hours on the floor, in a room, naked, with my camera. It’s something I’ve had a habit of doing since I was about fifteen... and it’s a quite hard habit to explain, but it’s quite a big part of who I am in an odd way.

When I’m alone with just my camera and my body, it’s one of the few times in life I feel beautiful and free. I used to be very insecure about my body; in my early teens there was nothing I wanted more than to be skinny. I’d do things like pin my very thick black opaque tights to my bra in an attempt to make my stomach flat... I’d do this even when wearing jeans. I’d starve myself for about three days before each party. One time my friends confronted me about it while on the tube of all places, and I started crying. There are still days where I don’t want to go outside and confront the world because of how I look. I had a mini-break down on Friday because of this... sometimes I just want to hide away and never been seen again.


I think the first time I started to experiment with my own skin was when I finally felt contentment. It lets me explore myself and my flesh in a way I can’t usually. I am still not happy with my body (is anyone?) and I have a gym membership I can’t afford in an attempt to one day be, but I somehow manage to feel beautiful anyway when I’m just alone with my camera; which is how this photo came to be. It’s about my hobby. I am recently graduated from my photography degree, but for a large part of my degree I didn’t feel connected to my camera anymore. I lost my passion for just shooting for hours in the way I had before... but yesterday I had a damn good day with just me, this room and my camera. While in an attempt to get a different shot, I quickly shot this in the mirror. Its amateur which is why I like it... it’s how I started. It’s about how I connect to myself through my camera. It’s about experimentation and simply... being alone with yourself.

Kicking some tits and ass

Kicking some tits and ass
Originally uploaded by Miss Aniela

“The 'Tits and Ass campaign' was a response to the attitudes inherent in the very language, 'tits and ass'. Most female self-portrait artists who use their body in their artwork and who share their work with a wide audience will inevitably encounter accusations from certain viewers, who, confined to the thinking within the phraseology of 'tits and ass', do not see beyond male representations of the female body as they have become accustomed to it in magazines, porn, and striptease. Cynical of what they dub as body parts that somewhat innately seek attention, they leer at the woman's body and jeer at possibility of the image being 'art'.

Regardless of the sex of the viewer, it is a 'masculine' positioning which is adopted when these attitudes are thrown at female artists, so it is not to say that only men undermine the work of a female self portraitist, but both genders, whose freedom to recognise the woman's body as her own, is stifled by societal attitudes.”


I met the photographer Miss Aniela with my friend Marinda just before Christmas at her exhibition in London, we were lucky enough to be able to interview the lady herself and have since kept in contact. She is a source of inspiration for me, from her way of shooting to how far she's come just through Flickr fame. I've decided to post this shot 'A better exploration of the tits and ass issue' due to the negativity which can quite often come through female photographers using their own body in their art, and from the negativity I also received recently about this.

I think it says all that needs to be said ;)

Conservatives.

I am so glad I am going to be in Rochester, graduating on the 20th July... because Boris Johnson is going to be in my home town... eurghhhh.

...

(You may be a sinner but your innocence is mine.)

"A liberated, sexually adventurous urban woman!!!"

I was just asked this on formspring, and felt like I wanted to post my answer here too! I knew I was setting myself up for that kinda question with my recent work and having a site like formspring... but people like that just need to open up their minds.

What REALLY makes you different from every other narcissistic naked person on Deviantart, who can string a few song lyrics together to use as a title?

I'm not narcissistic for a start, and I don't use my body so people can go ZOMG BOOBS!!! It takes a lot for me to use my body in my art and it's really quite nerve wrecking putting the work up there, knowing people will be looking at it and judging! I've never been body confident but I find confidence through my camera because I feel so alive in the taking of the image, and putting myself out there in such a way that is *so* open. I use my body as a canvas, because I believe the body is beautiful and it's the best way I can find to express myself, using my own flesh. Maybe it comes from wanting to be a dancer when I was younger. A lot of the ideas I come up with come from a very raw part inside me, and the naked body is fitting with the naked ideas. It's a bit like the use of black and white photography when people decide to use it instead of colour; some things are better suited to the simplicity. I also don't string together song lyrics for a title, but mostly use my own words that I write at about 3am usually. Quite often the words come before the photography does.

Maybe re-evaluate why you think using your body in art is narcissistic? I've always been in love with the naked body so I don't view it like this at all... we are all naked underneath are clothes after all. :)

Also, you really could have asked me this in a direct message ;) I wouldn't have minded.



I think whoever asked this has a pretty close minded view. Why assume to be naked in your own art work is narcissistic? I don’t use myself because I love myself, it simply comes naturally to use my own body because my art is always very personal to me, and my body is expressing my feelings. A few years ago my work was nowhere near quite as naked as it is now, because I was too frightened to do it... so a lot of ideas went un-done. This year my final major project for my degree has been ALL about breaking my own personal boundaries in life and my art work, and one of those boundaries is using my body in my work. A lot of my ideas simply wouldn’t have the same vulnerability or power if they were clothed shots. I remember when I photographed the cling film photographs, I said to my friend that I was conflicted, because I was scared of lots of people seeing me in that way. He said if I didn’t feel comfortable then I shouldn’t do it... and that kind of hit me, and I thought, what, I’m not going to express myself because I’m too scared?

There is no more emotive word in the human language than love, and I believe there is nothing quite as vulnerable or powerful as a naked body.

I’m reminded of a quote from Peep Show oddly enough... Mark – “I thought she was a frightened little suburban mouse, but no, she's my nightmare: a liberated, sexually adventurous urban woman” hehe.

What Is Art? by Leo Tolstoy

"The feeling of self-denial and submission to fate or God portrayed in a drama, the raptures of lovers described in a novel, a feeling of sensuousness depicted in a painting, the briskness conveyed by a triumphal march in music, the gaiety evoked by a dance, the comicality caused by a funny anecdote, the feeling of peace conveyed by an evening landscape or a lulling song—all this is art.
Once the spectators or listeners are infected by the same feeling the author has experienced, this is art."

Inhale. Exhale.

My friend asked me a question on formspring (anonymous questions website, can be quite fun – ask me something if you wish! formspring.me/AimeeClaire) which I thought I’d post the answer to here too.

What fascinates you about the extremes you have studied? Like why the breathing thing, why the bruises and blood thing?

Complex question Sir! Right so... I haven't so much studied these extremes, as much as I live them. It occurred to me while I was in the middle of writing my Dissertation on Secretary, and how in that film the character replaces her self harming with an S&M relationship, and I read a theory on it about how she's replicated the same extreme just in a different manner... and it occurred to me that I too live in these weird extremes! I find anything extreme so to speak makes me feel more alive and connected with the universe, and when I don't have extremes in my life (when my life is being mundane and routine) I feel incredibly low... I need something extreme to keep me excited and to make me feel happy. I couldn't exactly explain why, I guess it's been with me for life and I only this year labelled it by calling it extreme... but I've always been this way, always loved bruises, always loved breath play (which I discovered I was interested in before I even knew what asphyxiation was!) and always been fascinated with blood! I guess it's a masochistic thing largely, but it can also be sadistic in its nature too... but mainly it's about being open minded, open to new ideas and open to furthering yourself as a person by trying new things. I've realised I'm more open minded than I even thought I was, and by putting myself through these extremes I'm a happy and inspired person! It's almost like I need them to exist and that fascinates me just on its own... it's quite often a mystery even to myself :)

I’ll post this photo up which I’d previously been very nervous about posting anywhere on the internet, but using my body in my art (as I put in a previous post) is another boundary I am trying to overcome.



When I was very young, after I woke up or before I went to sleep I would quite often make myself a cocoon out of my duvet, trying to seal myself inside my duvet as much as I could so that I couldn’t really breathe very well, or was at least very hot inside. I was an incredibly imaginative kid and I’d imagine that I was in the process of being born. However I wasn’t being born from a womb, I’d imagine I was being born from a kind of weird white shell in a white lab where lots of others were being born at the same time as me. I’d very slowly start to escape from my “womb” opening my duvet up tiny bits at time, allowing a tiny bit of air in and making myself really gasp for the air. It’s odd because as a kid I wasn’t really thinking about the idea of asphyxiation and indeed I’d doubt at that age I even knew the word, but I was definitely experimenting with breath play and making myself deliberately have not as much oxygen as I needed and I liked doing this. I’d do it very slowly and gap by gap till I was fully “born” out of my duvet. It never really occurred to me when I was younger how odd this habit was and I hadn’t actually thought about it for years till I remembered it the other day.

Bodies in Motion.

I love this song and I think the video is just breath taking.

The Dykes and The Model Makers!

These are the people that made the last half year of my degree and living in Chatham completely awesome and I love them for that! All the nocturnal nights, park times at 2am, film nights, hanging out down in model making (this year I discovered how insanely awesome model making is and how I wish I’d done my degree in that instead... seriously they make awesome stuff and get to breathe in a lot of toxic chemicals, yum!) trips to get too much junk foods and TKU events! I already miss being away from them.



From left to right; Grant, Marinda, Briony, Andy, Hanh and moi infront! (I am small but particularly here as I'm crouching!) These people are pretty damn awesome people, and collectively we are the dykes and the model makers, hehe. Apart from usually there’s Guy too! But he was back home sadly when this was taken! The name for us all is an in joke ;)

This was taken at the Jigsaw Graduate Show just off Brick Lane in London which Marinda, Briony and I were a part of as we’re now BA Hons Contemporary Photographic Practice graduates!

Third year would have been very different without my dykes and model makers ♥ they’ve made this year what it was; one hell of an adventure!

The Human Form.

I’ve always loved the human form and admired its beauty and function since as far back as I can remember. I used to want to be a dancer when I was younger (until I realised I was too curvy really and completely lacked any competitive gene it seems) and I still watch a lot of dance and am in awe of the way they us their bodies as expression and art. I find myself using my own body more and more in my art because I feel it’s sometimes the only way to truly express some things, and I feel like my skin is my personal canvas to mould and use within my art, as an extension of the ideas within my work. I’ve always found I’m *very* nervous showing the work I make that uses my own body though, so I’m trying to break down my boundaries and feel less inhibited about this because I believe the human body is a beautiful and natural thing that shouldn’t be hidden in shame, or seen as taboo, even though I’m sure it always will be. I use it to help express myself.

I’m trying to push myself to use my body as my art and feel less nervous about how people will view it. It is my art and it is my expression, and what better way to express yourself than to use your own flesh? My entire work the past year of my degree has been about breaking personal boundaries and so this is one I’m always trying to further myself with, so I don’t cringe everytime I upload a photograph!

Animal Instinct.

I’ve always had an interest in the animal world but when it comes to ideas within psychology, I’ve always favoured the idea of nurture over nature... but when I read something that sparks my interest about how much biology still effects us (fight or flight being a prime example) I find myself completely intrigued. I’ve been reading too much Desmond Morris (He’s a zoologist, see ‘The Naked Woman’) lately.

Surround me as the rush comes.

The head space I'm in when I'm awake all night; the extremes of being awake at an hour when the world is asleep. The loneliness and the creativity that pumps through my veins. The extremes of an hour when there is only myself, my body and my thoughts. I don't want to sleep and I don't want to be awake, I want to surrender. I come alive at night.



I've always been one of those completely nocturnal people; from as far back as I remember really. I have a love/hate relationship with it... sometimes I get lonely being awake when no one else is, and I find the world isolating. Sometimes I adore it, I feel at peace with myself, my thoughts become let loose and I find a freedom in the silent world. I have always felt more creative at night, so it's when most of my writing or photography gets done.

This year I've thought myself very lucky, because I have found friends who are also completely nocturnal, and lived near me (hurray for Chatham being so small hehe)! When we all couldn't sleep we'd set off to the park at 2am... and it sounds childish but it's so much fun in a park at night! There's also just a certain peacefulness being on top of a hill at that hour and watching the clouds. The rest of the world seems so far away! I've found people get into deeper discussions in the dark, there's almost a certain air of honesty and people letting their guard down. You also tend to get freezing and when you finally return home, it takes a good half an hour to warm back up again!

This past week I've had to move away from Chatham, and as crazy as it is because for ages I couldn't wait to leave, I felt really sad leaving. The photograph above was taken in my bedroom there, on one of the nights before I realised my beautiful friends were nocturnal too. I love that room and it holds so many memories, most of which are at night (or in the mornings after parties when everyone got into my bed haha)! I will of course be visiting my friends who have more of their degrees left, but it'll never be quite the same as living there!

I will always like being a night owl, even if sometimes I complain about it. I get to watch the foxes out of windows at night, and this makes me happy.

I hold a force I can't contain.

I don't need an education
I learnt all I need from you
They've got me on some medication
My point of balance was askew
It keeps my temperature from rising
My blood is pumping through my veins

Somebody get me out of here
I'm tearing at myself.