We do not walk through a passive landscape.

So things have been a bit quiet on this blog, eh?

In the last few weeks I’ve come to realise that my dad has to be one of the most selfless people I’ve ever known. He is going through something so scary right now, something that has already been life-changing... and it just amazes me how strong he is and how hard he’s tried to be there for other people.

He is currently going through intense chemo and radiotherapy, and a few months ago had an operation that has changed his life forever. He will have another operation soon, which I know he is scared about. I am too. I had no idea he was so strong though and in a weird way it’s shaken me up a bit. I can’t really explain how... and for months on end it feels like my brain has been useless at forming words or imagery. I guess when something this big happens to your family, everything else pales in comparison or importance. I’ve struggled quite a bit, tried not to cry too much, tried to meet deadlines, try to stay organised so that I don’t fall apart. I want to stay strong for him. At the start of summer I had all this inspiration pumping through my veins, I even bought props for a concept I was planning to photograph, but none of it feels right now. After he was diagnosed, everything stopped. I don’t even know what I’m writing now to be honest. It’s like when your mind has been blank for months trying to cope, and suddenly you feel like saying something, but you’re not exactly sure what you want to say, or who to.

So I'll quote the first thing I found that has made me feel alive in a few months now. 

“I don’t know where I end and the world begins. My best guess? Skin. It’s the only actual boundary between the body and the world, between a body and any other body. Crush, at its core, is about rupture. The desire to touch, the gesture of touching, becomes dangerous, damaging, after the hand, withheld for so long, finally makes an attempt at contact. Simultaneously, and without pity, the natural world and its physical laws restrict the human form and its capacities. All of us are trapped in our skins and drowning in gravity. Physics is unforgiving. Nature is predatory. We do not walk through a passive landscape.” - Richard Siken.

The Pageant of the Bizarre!

SlutWalk London (Slut Means Speak Up!) is incredibly excited to announce that we are planning a SlutWalk in 2012! Please come along to our fundraiser, 11th November at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern in London... it will be a night full of live music and amazing things to fundraise for the future and celebrate and explore individual sexuality!

www.slutmeansspeakup.org.uk

RSVP on Facebook!

I can't even hug him from here. And he needs me.

Hurrrr

I wanted to take a photo to show the contrast between my beautiful purple eye shadow and my red hair, and my asshat of a webcam gave me this instead, where my hair looks orange and my eye shadow not purple... but you can have it anyway ;)

So here's an accurate depiction of my hair...

I see what people say about my bottom lip kinda over taking the top one. What the hell lip?!




Tomorrow I get some news. Fingers crossed for good news.

Awesomesauce friends!

I have. Who made me realise today that I’m an idiot for trying to put a brave face on something when I clearly wasn’t dealing with it all very well. I’m always the first to say to people that you shouldn’t keep things inside, the healthy way to deal with things is to talk about them, admit when you’re not doing so okay...

And I failed to take my own advice. Go Aimée!

Today two friends have been awesomesauce enough to remind me of this!

‎"You don’t always have to be Supergirl on your own" - Going to remember this now.

On Addiction.

I felt inspired to write a post about this after finding a new found respect for Russell Brand after he wrote this.

The reaction to Amy Winehouses’s death has shocked me.

Firstly, just because people are upset about her death, does not mean they are any less upset or compassionate about the people in Norway. Both of these things are tragedies, different kinds, yes, but you can be upset by more than one thing at a time. When people can put a name and a character to a death, they are more affected by it. That's all it is really. It’s dealing with human mortality. It's easier as humans to distance ourselves from nameless deaths. It's probably just a coping mechanism to deal with the amount of tragedy in the world. Can you imagine the world if we all got incredibly emotional about every tragedy? It would be a constant state of depression for everyone; I doubt anyone would leave the house.

Secondly, I am utterly shocked at those who say she had it coming, deserved it or make jokes about her. I don't think we should be sad that she died because she was famous (although she was an amazing musician, and her contribution to that shall be missed), we should be sad because a person of only 27 died because she couldn't over-come an addiction. I feel sad for anyone who dies because they couldn't overcome an addiction. I think it’s sad anyone dies before their time, whether due to not being able to control their personal life, or through no say of their own.

It shows the complete lack of empathy or understanding people have around depression or addiction and other than making me feel sick, it also just makes me feel sad. Nobody chooses to be an addict and the most kind, generous or sweet person can become selfish through addiction. Addiction is a complex, life changing thing. It doesn’t make them a bad person – it just means that that is their great struggle in life. Everyone struggles with different parts of life, as fellow humans we need to help those that we can, and when someone seems to reject help, rather than label them as selfish or deserving of whatever they get – we should be able to feel sadness that someone couldn’t over-come something that in the end, over-powered them.

We are all human, we all have our downfalls, the least we can do for others is feel compassion. It's too easy to judge. I’m pretty sure no one is perfect, so let’s all get off our moral high horse and create a better human race with more understanding – it never hurt anyone to try.

Meow.

Ooooh it’s nearing 2am and I am ecstatically happy for reasons I am not going to go into but all my friends seem to have gone to bed so I’m just going to ramble here!

Things and stuff! :D

*ahem*

Sometimes I fear I am going slightly mad but hey. Today I finished and submitted my second attempt at getting my dissertation proposal through the ethics committee at my university... they really dislike my area of research haha. I ended the first part of the summary of why I want to do the research quite well though, I thought...

Sullivan (2003) suggests we might think of S&M roles as ‘not an expression of one’s inner self, but rather as 'luid, non-essential, freely chosen, subject positions’ and this is a large focus of the research I wish to conduct, looking closely at how the identities of those who participate in S&M fit in with their social and political ideals and lives. Ritchie (2005) found her participants showed much consideration of ‘how power and gendered dynamics may play out, or be subverted, in their sexual practices’. Rubin suggests ‘It is time to recognize the political dimensions of erotic life’ and this is what I wish to be the focus of my research.

Yeah :D

I have not been to a gig in foreveeeeeeeeeeeeer and this thought occurred to me earlier when talking to a friend who is going to a Bright Eyes gig this weekend. Oh and when one of my favourite musicians retweeted a tweet of mine about how awful Arctic Monkeys are (SRSLY GUYS THEY ARE AWFUL) and I remembered having this debate the first year I went to Reading where I met an ex of mine who loved the Arctic Monkeys. Pffft! It then occurred to me how much I miss that energy and atmosphere of gigs so much... need.to.go.to.one.now! 

Sex Positive Shenanigans!

It’s exciting times my lovely readers!

I’ve been helping the SlutWalk crew more than before, and have fully joined the team which has evolved since SlutWalk has been over and launched into Slut Means Speak Up!

I’ve also wonderfully been asked to work and be part of a new project, a sex positive E-Zine that will be launched in the next few weeks!

"Pull The Other One is a sex-positive E-Zine and internet TV channel in development. We will promote, inform, discuss and have fun with all aspects of human desire - LGBTQ, straight, asexual, differently-abled, elder...anyone we've missed?"

I cannot tell you lovely people how excited I am to be involved in a project like this! If you know me at all, you’ll know I am all for sex positivity... I’m sure it comes across in my photography and pretty much everything I say hehe. The website will be an awesome place, we’re looking for writers, documentary makers, filmmakers, artists, photographers, agony aunts/uncles, doctors, teachers, pontificators - anyone with something smart and original to express or with an aching desire to join in! We hope for it to be a beautiful place on the world wide interwebs which will promote all kinds of sex positivity and give people a space to discuss and learn new things!

The soft launch isn’t far off and if you’re interested in being involved in the testing of this and giving us very vital feedback please do get in touch! 

The last few days I’ve been travelling around Essex and then what felt like a whole big chunk of West London with some of the SlutWalk crew! We had sex positive planning meetings, ate cake for breakfast, filmed for a documentary that may be made on young activists and went to a cabaret, crazy stuff!

I shall leave you all with a beautiful photograph of my future husband *ahem* John Cusack in the first photo released of The Raven in which he plays Edgar Allan Poe! Mmmmmmmmm.

Your Mouth.

I ache for your skin. Lips pressing, the pressure so hard my lips are sore. Probably bruised. Your hands playing with my hair, twirling it with your fingers delicately, suddenly clenching a fist full of my hair and pulling back hard, kissing my neck as my back arches and you pull harder.  Agony as I face the ceiling. The motion of our flesh, sweat making our eyes seem more alive than ever. The flavour of your sweet sweat as I taste your body. I dig my nails in, making tiny pathways of blood; your body connecting to mine... you’re mine now. Kissing evolves into licking into biting into a madness of half a power struggle, your fingers lock with mine and you grab my knuckles as if you’re about to die. Pure electric energy flows between our bodies, I want the taste of your cum flowing over my tongue. I whisper into your ear that I want to share everything with you. I want the pain and the juice and ecstasy. You’re the master, I’m the master. I can make you cum whenever I want but I wait till the time is perfect. The whites of your eyes look purer in those moments just before, the rhythm of us growing... harder till the perfect time my love. I feel you pulsate inside me. I wait but you fight me, grab my hips with both hands and beg. You’re not ready yet. I start whispering to you all the ways I want to explore your body, all the ways I want to fill your life with these things that go through my mind... I lick your tongue then bite your bottom lip while we fulfil passion together. 

A note to all the survivors of sexual assault.

I hated school, and I didn’t have many friends in my early school years. The corridors and stair cases in-between lesson times would get really crowded and congested, so it took a while to get from class to class.

One day I was trying to get up one set of stairs to a class when two boys below me started to touch me, quite badly, a bit worse than just groping, from behind me on the steps below. I froze. I was either twelve or thirteen, and in the ugliest uniform you could imagine (brown and yellow, hideous, long pleated skirt and frumpy jumper). I knew where they were touching was sexual, but nothing, even in the slightest, felt sexual about what they were doing. It felt humiliating, a huge joke to them, something to help them mock me – and I couldn’t understand why. I still have no idea who the boys were as I never looked back.

It’s one of the smallest occurrences in my life (hell I’ve been followed, stalked, harassed etc quite a few times since!) yet this one always stuck out most in my memory – maybe because I was so young, maybe because of the circumstances, maybe because I couldn’t understand it at the time. Maybe because I couldn't get away because I was on a crowded staircase. I never told anyone this tiny story till very recently, because it made me uncomfortable to have to explain it. I had no social script to understand it by, and it was only once debating on the SlutWalk walls that I talked about it.

When I think of how humiliating I found this experience, which is so insignificant, I now think of all the rape survivors. How much courage and bravery it must take to speak out if you’ve been sexually assaulted. How much it must stick with you, change your everyday life – and how amazing I think the people are that have been through the experience of sexual assault, whether they have spoken up about it or not – the very fact they have been through it and have to deal with it every day makes them amazing and so strong to me. 

So for all you brave people who are dealing with these things every day of your life, for the ones that have spoken out, and for the ones that haven’t, you are all amazing. I really hope SlutWalk and causes of the same kind are helping you cope with life and realise that you are never to blame and that life really can be wonderful, despite any difficulties you may face. 

*grumble*

"I thought the women’s liberation movement wanted to draw attention away from women’s bodies, to their minds and their ambitions. Isn’t that the reason modern feminists have spent so many years undermining femininity, courtship and even marriage?" - A sexist article on Slutwalk, hurrah!

Yes, HOW DARE the wimminz show that they even have a body and a sexuality?! Gaw don't they know that to be respected you have to ignore the very existance of your own flesh?! You cannot have ambitions and be sexy, what were you thinking?! Noes, you has to be just like teh menz and have no female qualities what-so-ever to be respected or to work! It's cool, we'll carry on ignoring the double standard of it all - but the wimminz - No. No. No. MOTHER OR WHORE. SEXY OR RESPECTABLE. Pick one, stick with it, and never cross them over - if you do it undermines EVERYTHING ELSE IN YOUR LIFE.




*facepalm*  oh, and while we're at it, dontcha know that all feminists are the same person?!?1111

11th June - The Day of SlutWalk!

SlutWalk London was... a-m-a-z-i-n-g!

  

The day itself was sunny and pretty, the perfect day for such a show of solidarity and beauty. The atmosphere at the march was amazing, many chants going on, people of all different kinds, in all different clothes, showing up to help fight against victim blaming, slut shaming and against the perpetuation of rape myths! The reports are all slightly varied, but it would seem that a number between 4,000 and 5,000 turned up! The speeches were so inspiring and varied and all made a feeling of change kind of thump through my bones.

Near the end of all the speeches they had a thank you list for the people that had debated, my name was first on the list and as my friend Jo could tell you – I literally squealed with excitement and joy when my name was said from the main stage! I’m so happy to have helped with the movement in any small way.

I went to the after drinks for organisers and stewards that evening and talked to some very interesting people which was lovely. We were in this lovely dark Jazz bar in central London, the kind of place that would have perfectly suited being incredibly smokey before the smoking ban!

All through my experience with helping with SlutWalk, I’ve encountered many different kinds of people with many different ideas, and it’s been a really lovely time for my brain, haha. I’ve loved every part of it, the debates (even the ones that have made me want to bang my head against a wall), the people, the cause, the solidarity, the discussions surrounding sexuality... the feeling of change.

This isn't the end of the line for SlutWalk London of course! The campaign is evolving into Slut Means Speak up, if you want to get involved, keep an eye on the website... slutmeansspeakup.org.uk

Here's a wonderful clip to show you the atmosphere of the march...!

And a few of the articles that have been written about the day...

Slutwalk London: 'Yes means yes and no means no'!

Slutwalk London Attracts Over 5,000 Marchers

Slutwalk London, Sydney, Mexico City

SlutWalk: Sex is not the enemy!

Let’s talk about sex baby! (Let’s talk about you and me uh-huh) *does a little dance*...*ahem*

What does the word slut mean to you? Have you ever heard a person use slut in a positive sense? Why does a male equivalent not exist? Why do people feel the need to label a woman for her sexual choices, why is it any of their business and indeed why is it viewed as a bad thing?

If everyone is consenting and healthy, then other people’s sex lives are really none of our business. Why as a society are we so intent on putting our morals onto other peoples personal lives when it has no effect on us?

Hey guess what guys, sex is healthy!

Everyone does it! Shock horror! Most people find it fun ;D

The word slut is only ever used to damage, outcast and dehumanize women. We need to question its very existence. It puts a rule down on them regarding personal choices...You can’t do this, you can’t do that, because you will be called a slut, and you will have to deal with the ramifications of this... even if it means being sexually assaulted. Your sexuality is being controlled.

The people involved in the SlutWalk Movement are marching to prove that “a slut” does not exist – it’s a term of abuse catapulted at women for so many different reasons, with countless different definitions. It’s a word that shows that female sexuality is still controlled, that is objectified rather than celebrated. By coming together and putting us all under a SlutWalk label so to speak, celebrating sexual diversity and choice, we’re highlighting that not only can women be called a slut for such irrelevant reasons, but that by using words like slut, society is ignoring the real causes of rape. We’re confronting the word slut.

Sexuality and objectification RAWR! 

                                                          

Sexual objectification is using someone simply for sex, ignoring every other element of that person and seeing them as an object rather than a person.

This sounds horrible, doesn’t it? It’s something that is incredibly prominent in our culture though, because sexuality is shamed rather than celebrated, we end up with this sex negative objectifying culture.

We grow up in a society where words like slut (whore, tart, etc etc etc) are used to brand women for their perceived sexuality, by branding them, we are out-casting them, which leads to a mindset of them being lesser people - less deserving of respect somehow... and that leads to a culture where people feel it's then okay to objectify them, where society feels it’s okay to see their body as public property if they choose to display their sexuality outside. Sexuality can be celebrated, the human body can be celebrated without leading to objectification – but this sex negativity is so ingrained within us that it’s hard to break free from.

As a society we then tend to break apart people in our minds that display sexual qualities. We are sexual creatures, it’s how we reproduce and it’s a fundamental part of human life. We want to feel attractive, want to feel desired, and that isn't inherently wrong. You can be a sexual person, a desirable person, a person who wants to have sex and be intelligent and have a thousand other varying qualities. Shaming sexuality means that anyone who exhibits qualities which show they're a sexual person is then deemed as unworthy, and unrespectable - we then start to break that person down - because they exhibit their sexuality in public we think "oh that person can't want anything else OTHER than sex" - and that is what then leads to the idea that sex is all there is to that person, all that person has to offer, and all that person wants. We stamp public property on them.

Arrives the sex positive movement! Society needs to realise that everyone thinks of sex in different ways; there isn't one way it should be done or one type of sex that is good for everyone - and there is nothing wrong with wanting sex and attention, this acceptance that everyone is different is the way to beat objectify. What others do with their sex lives shouldn’t matter. It’s their body, their life, their rules.

In walks SlutWalk...
(Please click the see more link below for the rest...)

SlutWalk.

For those who don’t know, I’ve been getting myself involved with the SlutWalk Protest! I will write a separate post about that in itself, this is one really just to tell you all how amazing I’ve found it. I began debating with people on the event wall... and seriously, who knew I was good at debating?! Suddenly I found people started thanking me... and then suddenly I was getting asked to be interviewed/be in debates from the BBC and a certain newspaper! (Will tell you about that when I see whether the article is positive or not ;D)

I cannot explain how amazing it is to help with something where I feel like I'm making even the smallest difference. Comments from people thanking me for good debates, saying I've "enlightened" them, that I'm "incredibly learnt when it comes to this subject" and that I've "edified" someone quite considerably... people telling me I'm smart and have a wise head on my shoulders... it honestly feels like I've blossomed in the wake of this protest. It's crazy! I'm so glad to help the cause. I really love debating with people, and when they start to see new perspectives. It's like educating people. I feel all my hippie-esque-sex positive-liberal-freedom kinds of thoughts are finally paying off. I always felt incredibly lonely with them before. This is one of the most rewarding things I've ever really done in my life.



The woman who interviewed me today asked me whether I thought that the women of my generation found wearing "sluttyish" clothing liberating... and I said that liberation is completely down to the individual. What is liberating for one isn't for another, which is why freedom and choice are so important, and why it's important to try and not define liberation in terms of your own views, to tell someone what they're doing is not liberating is just oppressing them, because who are we to say what someone else finds liberating?

SlutWalk is about choice, freedom... a direct attack on slut-shaming, victim-blaming and on words such as slut; only ever used to abuse, dehumanize and demoralise a woman for her perceived sexuality; to attack these words and render them meaningless by showing collectively that a "slut" is a myth, and one that is not only damaging to women everywhere, of all sexual persuasions, but one that lets society ignore the real causes of rape and sweep them under the carpet.

I'll hold the rest of my speech for a separate post ;D

NyanNyanNyanNyannnnnn!

This is all.




Because it makes me happy ^__^ hehe.

Oral Fixation.

"Rescue your sexuality from the definitions and delineations slipped around it like a noose by external forces: the leering billboards and romantic comedies, the expectations of your friends and parents and paramours, the television programs and other social programming devices that would dictate desire and limit the erotic to the strictly sexual. The powers that be have everything at stake in keeping your sexuality emaciated and confined to the specific act of physical intercourse, to one routine and one partner and one ghettoized category, so you won’t discover in it the freedom that you could be living around the clock, outside their control, beyond their target markets. But one step outside the lines, and the world is yours." - CWC Texts : A to Z : Eight Things You Can Do to Get Active

I’ve been thinking about sexuality a lot recently. 'Sexual' is something I've often been labelled... even down to my body language, or the fact I tend to keep eye contact through a conversation. My creative drive and sexual drive are one and the same for me. It’s still seen as taboo... gosh that girl is sexual assumption assumption label label etc etc it goes on forever. Desire and the erotic are limited by the world around us... you know how people say they can see beauty in everything? The same can be said for sexuality. It’s in the world around us, and it doesn’t have to be naughty or taboo or wrong, it can be fluid, growing and free. It’s alive in nature, art, literature, language, perception and in whatever you find to be sexual. That’s the wonderful thing about fetishes; one exists for everything.

Untie me from your political bondage, I wish to be free. I find mouths facinating.

Sorry about the blood in your mouth.

Pent up creative and sexual energy. They entwine within me. All of my university deadlines are coming up at once and so I have to put the creative process on hold as I simply can't put that much energy into something else and it is killing me. I feel like I have so much adrenaline inside me all of a sudden and there's nowhere left to pump it.

I have two job interviews coming up. Well, one is an interview, working as a dementia support worker which I really really really want. The other is a screen test for a sex toys company doing promo videos for their website *cue laughter now* which I’m actually thinking may be a bad idea; the idea of seeing myself on camera is slightly terrifying.

I’ve dyed my hair again a beautiful fiery red and I never want this colour to fade, so in love with it. You can see the terrible photos of it on facebook or my DeviantART journal.

I travelled from Canterbury to Whitstable (both places I love) with my friends last weekend on a beautiful sunny day and it was glorious! I need more days on the beach with my best friends.

Please destroy me this way.

Destroy everything you touch today
Destroy me this way...
Anything that may desert you
So it cannot hurt you.

You only have to look behind you, at who's underlined you
Destroy everything you touch today
Destroy me this way

Everything you touch you don't feel
Do not know what you steal
Shakes your hand
Takes your gun
Walks you out of the sun

What you touch you don't feel
Do not know what you steal
Destroy everything you touch today
Please destroy me this way...

Destroy everything you touch today
Destroy me this way
Anything that may delay you
Might just save you

You only have to look behind you
At who's underlined you
Destroy everything you touch today
Please destroy me this way...